Know Thyself, Not

Let’s play a game.

By Matthew Laffer
April 22, 2026

Being a coach has given me private VIP access to people’s belief systems, thought patterns, and lives. I’ve gained professional insight into the dimensions of people’s fears and of the human will and condition. How strong it can be and how weak it can be.

The single most important thing I’ve observed is that people don’t know themselves.

Know thyself, not.

The disconnect from oneself has been the cause of much pain and suffering. This form of exile is an assault on our entire existence and has us operating from a place of fear and lack. Sometimes this is conscious. Most times it is not.

The incessant drive to be of value to others rather than uncovering the value within has us living outside of ourselves. And these external value points leave much to be desired internally. The result is feeling anxious, frustrated, and on the precipice of failing at each and every moment.

The good news is that we can change anything. Starting with ourselves.

Let’s play a game, shall we? Not just any game, but an exquisitely beautiful game.

1. Hide and seek.

What if we forgot about who we are in terms of a social role. The podcast, the fund, the newsletter, the school, the raise, the launch…

All that’s the past. Who are you genuinely now?

What if you weren’t seeking approval or needing validation from others? Who would you be then?

And what if you spent a fraction of the time devoted to discovering the needs of your clients to those of your own? This can be foreign or challenging to many. It’s like playing hide and seek with yourself.

Think of it as a simple game of hide and seek, but with yourself.

Where are you? Where is your real self?

If you are not into games, then how about experimenting with a couple of mental models to help remember who you really are and what you came here to do?

2. Absence is presence.

Most people believe that absence is the opposite of presence. And that absence is absolute. This belief has thickened our attachment to “reality.” The suspended punchline held within this cloaked doctrine feels weighty.

But what if \”Hear me out”\ because this changes everything…

The way we think about “absence and presence” is truly “concealment and revealment.”

What if absence is not the lack of presence, but is the presence of absence?

SAY WHAAAT?!

Said differently, what if absence is just a concealment? And that knowing it’s a concealment *is* the revealment.

In other words, there is no absence; there is only hiddenness.

What I’d like to posit is that your hiddenness is you.

This distinction cannot be overstated because of the reorientation to the fundamental nature of absence. Concealment no longer means the absence of presence, which leads to feelings of distance, lack, or loss.

This changes being human because now everything is present, and nothing is absent. It’s simply a question of the level of presence that you are tapping into. Understand this well, and you’ll laugh in the face of lack.

Here’s a thought experiment:

If you have a blessing, but you don’t feel like it’s a blessing, are you blessed?

3. Process and result.

Running and running and running to catch the train while already on it.

We’ve been led to believe that in every pursuit there is a goal and a process. There is always a divide between the two. We operate not from “there is”, but from “there isn’t” – from what hasn’t yet happened.

Imagine if we didn’t identify ourselves with what we have or haven’t achieved, but we viewed ourselves based on our potential completely revealed. This removes time and space between process and result, advancing the starting point. 

By moving the starting point, we align ourselves more accurately with the true power of our soul. We were told ad nauseum, “there are no shortcuts.” Not exactly.

Even more troubling than a limited starting point is our consciousness while we are building. Are you building from a place of deficiency or are you building to reveal more of your infinite self? The former results in a frenzied attempt to catch the runaway train. The latter results in a calmness during labor and an inner peace from knowing that you are already on the train.

When we grasp at things according to their material manifestations, we strengthen the illusion of separation between process and result, body and soul, us and the world.

By accepting the illusion as reality, we make it real. Real hard.

The treasure chest is not on the other side of the world. The treasure rests right where you are. Right here. Right now.

“Yeah, but what if I can’t believe it,” you ask?

If you have a hard time believing it, hang out with people who do believe it. Through osmosis you will absorb the essence of the people you surround yourself with. Hangin’ with your victim mentality homies is your prerogative. So is a stroll with the Divine in the Garden of Eden.

Additionally, friendships and relationships can create a familiarity that reinforces your status quo. The familiar, precisely because it’s familiar, hinders the knowing of self and others in new ways and more deeply.

Yet, another way for us to know thyself, not.

Matthew Laffer is a 3x entrepreneur and the Founder and CEO at Goalspriing.